Sometimes Readin' TV Is Better Than Hearin' It

Oh good lord, what a time I've been havin'! My computer's been on the fritz since we had that terrible thunderstorm on July 23rd! It's workin' now, but I missed it so very much.

And believe it or don't, the sound is not happenin' on my TV! If you think readin' a book makes you sleepy, try spendin' your time watchin' "Sex and the City" reruns on TV with no sound, while readin' the words on the screen, and your eyes are a dartin' up and down and back and forth tryin' to see all the purdy clothes and the people.

I've dropped off to sleep many a time tryin' to keep up with episodes of "This Old House". I just love that Richard Trethewey, he can replace my tallet's O ring any day he wants to. Well, I can definitely do it myself, but if the big lug wants to do it for me, that's okz with me. Oh for heaven's sake! No I'm not metaforin' for anything but plumbing fixin's. Good lord, what kind of a lady do you take me for?! Now get your mind outta the gutter or wherever you keep it... you kiss your Momma with that mouth?!

The only thing, and I repeat, the only thing that is better off readin' off the TV is the Rachel Ray show. It's still not easy watchin' her flap her arms, but at least ya don't have to listen to her. She has a new program out now - unbelievable, huh?! - Rachel Ray in a new program?! I know, I know, I was just as shocked as you!! It's called "Travelin' With Rachel Ray"... pretty soon we'll be bathin' with her for heavens sake!! On this Travelin' show, she's got her husband with her and they're sittin' in a restaurant in San Antonio, Texas, and she is talkin' and talkin' and flappin' them arms all over the place, and that sweet, quiet husband of hers is just sittin' there a smilin', and ever once in awhile she'll let him say something like, "That's right." Poor fella, he don't know what he's gotten himself into. That Miss Ray is one of the most driven people I have ever seen in my life. I bet she don't even lay down when she sleeps... just hovers over her bed a babblin' like a brook.

And have you been watchin' "Big Brother"?! Oh come on, I know you have too, admit it. That Chima Simone has gotten herself kicked off the program! When I heard about it, I jumped for joyiousness! I'm tellin' ya, if a person can't behave themselves and wants to act all poopy and misbehavein', then they should be yanked off of the TV. It's high time too... I tell ya what, she was given me the fits. They kicked her butt off the show! Yippee Whoha! That there made my day! You go Big Brother!! I was so sick of her talkin' smack all the time and gettin' on people's bad sides - good riddance to bad rubbage, I always say.

Thank the lord, the cable man is coming out tomorrow to repair the no verbage problem on my TV. It will be nice to hear my TV again, maybe I'll be nappin' a little bit less by not readin' it anymore. You would not believe the number of naps I took in one day!

Oh, here's a question I wish someone could answer for me... Where did the saying "on the fritz" come from? Anybody?

I do NOT do gray.

I apologize to my 4 faithful Rooftopper readers for not bein' around for a bit. My computer has been on the fritz, and boy are my arms tired!

How 'bout that Bachelorette! What did you think about it? I do believe that whatshishead was a bad choice. All the bachelorette girl had to do was to look at the guy's dad, and that shoulda answered if he was the one for her, lordy! It just goes to show ya that people are stupid all over.

There was a comment on my last blog from a Bradley Smeltz, and I've gotta tell ya son, first and foremost, do not, I must repeat it, do NOT, ever eat anything gray! Gray is not a good food color. Oysters, mushrooms, hunks in the freezer, etc. Gray food is rubbery, slimmy and boogery, and should be fed to cats, and only cats.

I hate to admit it, but that Al boy was correct... some kinda casserole would be the perfect recipe for those items that Smeltz mentioned. Let's get started shall we?

Saute the onions and the celery in a 1/4 cup a lard, chop them hot dog buns up into tiny pieces, add them to the onions and celery, cook all until they're transparent. Oh my! Can you smell that smell! As Rachel would say Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm, has a nutty kind of a smell, don't it?

In my opinion, everything has a nutty kind of smell to Rachel. Let me tell you somethin' sweetheart, if it ain't got nuts in it, then it don't smell like nuts! And what a mouth that girl has got on her.

"Rachel, darlin', could ya shut up for just once? Ya don't hafta fill every danged second of time with your stupid chatter! So you invented the garbage bowl, big deal! That don't make you no expert! Garbage bowl my aunt's patootie... it's called a garbage CAN! They've been usin' 'em for years! Get yourself one, walk over to it and throw your nutty smelling cookin' away... holy christmas, are ya that lazy?!

Now where was I? Oh yes, put the mixture in a casserole dish, place a big chunk of Velveeta on top and bake that sucker for 35 minutes in a 400 degree oven, or until the cheese all melts. Now don't tell me you ain't got no Velveeta in your cupboard, everybody has Velveeta at home somewhere.

Now Bradley, for dessert, whip the box of lemon jello together with the peanut butter, until fluffy. Fill cupcake tins with 2 Tbs each of the mixture (it makes 24). Place slices of Velveeta on top of each, and bake 35 minutes in a 400 degree oven, or until the cheese all melts.

And that hunka gray stuff in the freezer... feed it to the cat.

Bradly son, or any of my other readers, iffin' ya got questions about how to do anything, anything at all, you send them cards & letters and emails in to Rooftop and Ida will do her dangedest to help out, KZ?