Monday, August 31, 2009

Odean, Peek & Boo

Today, marks the 7 year anniversary since my Odean has left this world. He's probably sitting on the front porch of Heaven right this minute and whittlin' somethin' for the angels, maybe a sweet soundin' flute that they can play and make beautiful music with. More likely though, he's out back pitchin' horseshoes with his twin brothers Peek and Boo.

Can't say I'm all that sad on this memorable day, cause my Odean left me with so many reminders of himself, it's like he never left, really. What I mean by reminders is... he taught me ever thing I know, from makin' turkey jerkey to knittin' booties. If it weren't for Odean, I'd just be another dunderheaded old woman, who couldn't do nothin'! But nope, after my man passed, I decided to help his legacy to live on. I decided to show people all over the world the things that they can do all by themselves.

You've read some of the things I can do in my bloggin' here, things that I taught you and now you can teach yourns. Okay, I must admit, that's makin' me a little bit teary eyed knowin' that I can be of help to you... makes me feel important and useful.

Alright, enough of that mauldin' stuff, now let's get down to business. I got a project for you to work on. Did you know that you can make your own placemats? I know, I know, it sounds undoable, but you can, it's a breeze. Now listenin'... gather up your greeting cards that people have sent you through the years, pick out the purdiest ones, cut the front pictures from them, and paste 'em to a piece of poster board. After you've covered the poster board, take some of that blue painters tape that everbody's usin', and make outlines around each picture with the tape. Then, get yourself a permanent marker and write your name on the mat. Or you can make a big blob of placemats and give 'em to your cousins and nieces and nephews for Christmas, and write their names on 'em.

Now I know it's just September, but if you get to workin' on the mats now, you won't be all rushed to finish them come Christmas time. And like Odean always told me, "Get goin' on it now Ida, ya know how you get all loopy when you start sniffin' them markers!" That man was always lookin' out for me. Ever time I sniff a permanent marker I think of my Odean... and sometimes I can see little pink elephants a circlin' my head while they're dancin'... I also might see Peek & Boo a pitchin' horseshoes, they didn't know much how to do anything else.

If you have an idea for a homemade Christmas gift,

just blog it to me.

Odean would be proud of ya.

Monday, August 24, 2009

How to Throw a Great Party!

I know many of you suffer with throwin' fun Birthday parties, so I'm here to tell ya how it's done the fun way, because, like they all say... Ida knows stuff... that's me, I'm Ida.

First off, tell your friends and family that you're going to meet at a restaurant where no one has ever been before - find a new place. Tell 'em a time, say... 5:00 pm, and of course tell 'em where the restaurant is, that's just bein' helpful, nobody will want to drive all over town trying to guess where it's being held. A Chinese Buffet is a very cool place to dine if you have a big bunch of people, say 15 of 'em. The staff at the restaurant will probably sit y'all as close together as possible. Then everybody goes off and gets whatever food they want, and they eat until they can't eat any more, and then they complain about how much they et... that's always a fun part of a party.

A Chinese buffet is a good choice cause it's a relaxed atmosphere, people are millin' around ever where and you can go and talk to your friends/family anytime you want, and you can all change seats if you want to, it's a real blast! Somethin' I like to do is to walk over to one of the tables and pretend that I'm the manager and ask 'em how their food was and are they havin' a good time. Oh, and it's a real hoot if you tell that group, that someone has taken care of their tab. When this group starts to walk out the door without payin', just stand back and enjoy the fun!

After eating a delicious meal and having great supper conversation, ask everbody to your home for lemon cake with white "whipped icing" -- make 3 layers, not your usual 2. Sprinkle yellow sugar crystals on top and stick tall "sparkle" candles in the cake... it will look very dramatic, everybody will love it! One person, maybe a very sweet niece (one of your favorites, possibly), will tell ya that it was the best cake she has ever eaten and that lemon cake is her favorite. Trust me, it could happen... you never know, but I do... member... Ida knows stuff.

Now after supper and after cake, all the older people will sit around the room a moanin' and complainin' about how much they et, and also where they hurt... you know how old people can be. The rest of the group will huddle up with the little ones to play really fun party games like "Colored Eggs" and "Duck, Duck, Goose". It will be hilarious!! Of course, fun proof the room, that's very important, you don't want your good stuff broken. Oh, and there could possibly be an adorable little blonde headed boy at your party, we'll call 'im say, J Bear, and he'll be saying silly things out loud that will make everybody laugh real hard and make his parents turn all shades of red, like... "You eat poopoo." or "You're a poopoo face." Everyone will be rollin' with laughter, well everyone 'cept the couple that left early because 7:00pm is past their bedtime, and they can't be out after dark, so they're missin' all the fun.

Now you trust me on this, it will be the funnest party ever! And all you have to do is to bake the best tasting cake that your beautiful niece has ever eaten.
Do all this, and your Birthday Party cannot fail, trust me... I know stuff.
Now tell me about the funest Birthday Party you've ever been too.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sometimes Readin' TV Is Better Than Hearin' It

Oh good lord, what a time I've been havin'! My computer's been on the fritz since we had that terrible thunderstorm on July 23rd! It's workin' now, but I missed it so very much.
And believe it or don't, the sound is not happenin' on my TV! If you think readin' a book makes you sleepy, try spendin' your time watchin' "Sex and the City" reruns on TV with no sound, while readin' the words on the screen, and your eyes are a dartin' up and down and back and forth tryin' to see all the purdy clothes and the people.

I've dropped off to sleep many a time tryin' to keep up with episodes of "This Old House". I just love that Richard Trethewey, he can replace my tallet's O ring any day he wants to. Well, I can definitely do it myself, but if the big lug wants to do it for me, that's okz with me. Oh for heaven's sake! No I'm not metaforin' for anything but plumbing fixin's. Good lord, what kind of a lady do you take me for?! Now get your mind outta the gutter or wherever you keep it... you kiss your Momma with that mouth?!

The only thing, and I repeat, the only thing that is better off readin' off the TV is the Rachel Ray show. It's still not easy watchin' her flap her arms, but at least ya don't have to listen to her. She has a new program out now - unbelievable, huh?! - Rachel Ray in a new program?! I know, I know, I was just as shocked as you!! It's called "Travelin' With Rachel Ray"... pretty soon we'll be bathin' with her for heavens sake!! On this Travelin' show, she's got her husband with her and they're sittin' in a restaurant in San Antonio, Texas, and she is talkin' and talkin' and flappin' them arms all over the place, and that sweet, quiet husband of hers is just sittin' there a smilin', and ever once in awhile she'll let him say something like, "That's right." Poor fella, he don't know what he's gotten himself into. That Miss Ray is one of the most driven people I have ever seen in my life. I bet she don't even lay down when she sleeps... just hovers over her bed a babblin' like a brook.
And have you been watchin' "Big Brother"?! Oh come on, I know you have too, admit it. That Chima Simone has gotten herself kicked off the program! When I heard about it, I jumped for joyiousness! I'm tellin' ya, if a person can't behave themselves and wants to act all poopy and misbehavein', then they should be yanked off of the TV. It's high time too... I tell ya what, she was given me the fits. They kicked her butt off the show! Yippee Whoha! That there made my day! You go Big Brother!! I was so sick of her talkin' smack all the time and gettin' on people's bad sides - good riddance to bad rubbage, I always say.
Thank the lord, the cable man is coming out tomorrow to repair the no verbage problem on my TV. It will be nice to hear my TV again, maybe I'll be nappin' a little bit less by not readin' it anymore. You would not believe the number of naps I took in one day!
Oh, here's a question I wish someone could answer for me... Where did the saying "on the fritz" come from? Anybody?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I do NOT do gray.

I apologize to my 4 faithful Rooftopper readers for not bein' around for a bit. My computer has been on the fritz, and boy are my arms tired!

How 'bout that Bachelorette! What did you think about it? I do believe that whatshishead was a bad choice. All the bachelorette girl had to do was to look at the guy's dad, and that shoulda answered if he was the one for her, lordy! It just goes to show ya that people are stupid all over.

There was a comment on my last blog from a Bradley Smeltz, and I've gotta tell ya son, first and foremost, do not, I must repeat it, do NOT, ever eat anything gray! Gray is not a good food color. Oysters, mushrooms, hunks in the freezer, etc. Gray food is rubbery, slimmy and boogery, and should be fed to cats, and only cats.

I hate to admit it, but that Al boy was correct... some kinda casserole would be the perfect recipe for those items that Smeltz mentioned. Let's get started shall we?

Saute the onions and the celery in a 1/4 cup a lard, chop them hot dog buns up into tiny pieces, add them to the onions and celery, cook all until they're transparent. Oh my! Can you smell that smell! As Rachel would say Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm, has a nutty kind of a smell, don't it?

In my opinion, everything has a nutty kind of smell to Rachel. Let me tell you somethin' sweetheart, if it ain't got nuts in it, then it don't smell like nuts! And what a mouth that girl has got on her.

"Rachel, darlin', could ya shut up for just once? Ya don't hafta fill every danged second of time with your stupid chatter! So you invented the garbage bowl, big deal! That don't make you no expert! Garbage bowl my aunt's patootie... it's called a garbage CAN! They've been usin' 'em for years! Get yourself one, walk over to it and throw your nutty smelling cookin' away... holy christmas, are ya that lazy?!

Now where was I? Oh yes, put the mixture in a casserole dish, place a big chunk of Velveeta on top and bake that sucker for 35 minutes in a 400 degree oven, or until the cheese all melts. Now don't tell me you ain't got no Velveeta in your cupboard, everybody has Velveeta at home somewhere.

Now Bradley, for dessert, whip the box of lemon jello together with the peanut butter, until fluffy. Fill cupcake tins with 2 Tbs each of the mixture (it makes 24). Place slices of Velveeta on top of each, and bake 35 minutes in a 400 degree oven, or until the cheese all melts.

And that hunka gray stuff in the freezer... feed it to the cat.

Bradly son, or any of my other readers, iffin' ya got questions about how to do anything, anything at all, you send them cards & letters and emails in to Rooftop and Ida will do her dangedest to help out, KZ?